These days I'm learning how to forgive God. When I was younger I heard all these stories about how God loves me and how he forgives me for my "shortcomings". There's no doubt about it, I have shortcomings. And I'm very grateful for grace. But there comes a time in any relationship where one reflects on both parties in the relationship and looks for balance.
You see, what I'm trying to understand now is how the "God" of the Old Testament even remotely looks like the "Abba" Jesus talks about in the New. Lately I've been stuck in this story of Achan. You can read his story in Joshua. Joshua and the Israelites are just over the river Jordan. They've conqured Jericho and are now feeling out the rest of the local terrain. So Joshua sends spies to the city of Ai. The spies report back that Joshua need only send a couple thousand men as the city is not numerous in inhabitants. So Joshua sends in his men and the men get routed and slaughtered.
I have this robe in my bathroom. It's a classical father's robe. It's plaid and it's made of flannel. It has perfect pockets for important things like the remote control and tissue and that annoying toy I step on too many times in one morning. But my robe is a majical robe. My robe divides my days. If I'm wearing my robe in the morning that means I'm not working. It means I am home all morning; no adjenda, no open planner, no lists. As cliche as my robe is, when I wear it I am special. I am king of my home and slave to no one (except the queen). I like the days that I get to wear my robe.
When Joshua gets news of his army's annihilation he tears his robe and falls down before God. God tells him that someone has taken items consecrated to other gods in their plunder of Jericho and that this man all that belongs to him, must burn before God will allow victory over the city of Ai. Joshua finds this man and asks him what he took. His answer: Some gold and silver and a beautiul robe. Achan was thinking ahead. He knew that one day he would settle in this land. He knew that a beautiful robe would help divide his days too. He knew that sporting a beautiful robe would certainly make him feel special. In retribution they took the Achan, his wife, his children, all thier belongings and the sacred items and they stoned them. Then they burned them "as the lord instructed them."
In the New Testament there's this woman who's caught in the act of adultery. Jesus is hanging out with his chums and the religious leaders bring her before Jesus in an effort to him. They demand of Jesus to know what the jewish law says about such a woman. Jesus knew that the law required them to stone her immediately. Jesus is calm. He waits. Then in an act of beautiful grace he says that law requires her to be stoned, but those of you who are blameless may throw the first stone. Slowing they drop their rocks and walk away. Jesus then asks who is left to condemn you. She says "none". And Jesus says, THEN NEITHER DO I CONDEMN YOU. Go on with you life and stop sinning.
I'm forgiving God these days. I say this not because I believe I sit above God in some manner. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm forgiving God in order to accept by faith whatever form balance is even remotely possible in these to portrayals of who God is. I'm letting go of the idea that God should make sense. I'm forgiving God for the difficulties that arise when these kinds of stories come up. These days, I'm forgiving God.
2 comments:
J...good to read your thoughts. I've been thinking about them since we chatted at Beaners and knowing your heart I'm encouraged to know that you are allowing God to be God and live with the tension. I know that some people might be offended by the language of forgiving God, but I think its pretty clear that your using the term more than slightly nuanced. Here again, I think C.S. Lewis' little essay "God in the Dock" has a lot to say that is relevant to this discussion.
As far as the God of the OT vs. the God of the NT though...that's a complicated discussion that is really lots of conversations (e.g., seeing Achan's sin in the context of Israel as God's covenant people and all that that entails...the law if nothing else). In other words, its not a one to one comparison...there's more at play, and I think that the tension you're feeling is evidence of just that.
So what do we do when we encounter these sorts of tensions? To quote a favorite author...further up and further in. Just like Lewis' Narnian characters in The Last Battle...the true reality is found in a deeper exploration, not in a withdrawal of sorts. What I mean to say is that many times we react against a superficial understanding (and by superficial I'm by no means meaning to sound condescending...I know you've been studying this for quite some time, but I'm sure you'd be the first to say that all of our understandings when it comes to God and His actions are to some degree or another superficial)rather than the fullness of what has been revealed, and the many pages produced by careful scholars who have meditated upon and prayed over texts just like these.
Again, I'm encouraged to hear your heart, and know that you will continue to fo further up and further in, while in the meantime you take God out of the dock.
Chris,
Wow, I should have had you write this for me. You're exactly right about the language I intend to use. By "forgiving God" I mean that, yes I am taking him off the interegation table and riding Him of "my presupposed ideas" about who he supposed to be. Also, I am releasing Him from my ideals about things like love and justice.
This shouldn't be so foriengn an idea for many reading. This is the exact same thing we must do every day with each other. The act of forgiving in the life of a believer is never from a position of one who believes they are greater than another. Christ's example is exactly the opposite. While he was entitled to condemn, he chose forgiveness and taught us that forgiveness comes from a position of humility. Anyone who would be offended at my words likely have a distorted view of forgiveness based on something other than Christ.
I do like your comments about the Last Battle by C.S. Lewis. While I've wrestled with the two texted in parallel (fair or not) it has taken much of my time and energy focusing on the ways in which I try to lock God into cages that fit my understanding. I'm better off on this side my wrestling than before and that fits the further in and further up idea's of Lewis. This much I CAN LIVE WITH.
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